A Catholic Nun was praying when the priest approached her.

The Priest Lightly Tapped the Nun on the shoulder and asked her to follow him.

The Priest Walked Away and The Nun quickly followed not far behind him.

They arrived In a Room Behind the Church.

The Priest Went inside the room and gestured for the Nun to do the same.

“Sister, Close The Door” Said The Priest “Jesus If Something ever happens please forgive my soul” Prayed The Nun.

“Sister Lock it” Said The Priest “Jesus If Something Ever Happens Please Forgive My Soul” Prayed The Nun.

“Sister Close The Window Curtains” Said The Priest “Jesus If Something ever happens please forgive my soul” Prayed The Nun.

“Sister close the lights” The Priest Said “Jesus If Something Ever Happens Please Forgive My soul”.

“Sister come here beside me” The Priest Said “Jesus Im sorry for what is about to happen please forgive my soul in heaven” prayed the Nun.

“Sister Look at My Watch it glows in the dark”.

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A guy sits down in at a bar and asks for a bowl of hot chili.

The bartender says, “Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl”.

He looks over and sees that the guy has finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full.

He asks, “Are you going to eat that chili?” The other guy says, “No. Help yourself”. He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat.

When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something.

He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got, too”.

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A blonde, a brunette and a redheaded mother are talking about their daughters.

The brunette tells them, “I found cigarettes in my daughter’s room, I can’t believe she smokes! ”

The redhead said, “I know, I found some beer in my daughter’s room. I couldn’t believe it! ”

The blonde says “That’s nothing! I found condoms in my daughter’s room. I never knew she had a penis! ”

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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.

In her 20’s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30’s and 40’s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions.”

“Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter.

The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”

The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also.

In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30’s and 40’s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his 50’s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.

“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

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