A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly.

At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head “yes” and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head “no” and mumble a reply.
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Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy,’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would ask, ‘You wanna sell that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.'”

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A guy gets hit by a car. He wakes up in the hospital with the nurse right next to him.

The guy asks if he’ll be ok, and the nurse replies with yes.

The nurse asks “You’ll need to pay for your stay here, which comes to about 20 grand. Do you have enough money?”

The guy replies “No, unfortunately, money is tight for me.”

The nurse asks “well do you have any relatives that could help you pay?”

The guy says “No, my only living relative is my sister. She’s an un-married nun.”

The nurse interrupts and says “Actually, nuns are married to God.”

The guys goes “Ok then, send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

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My brother’s wife Anna has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at a gender reveal party of about 40 people.

At the party just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce that they are going to have a little baby girl.

Everyone starts cheering, naturally. Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?

”My brother replies, “Yeah. Liana Noelle. ”Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, “How the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”

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After the Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.” The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and the Guinness president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”

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