At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

“““““

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Ed and Dugly were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory..

when Ed glanced over and noticed that Dugly’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

“Blimey,” Ed said. “I’ve never seen one like that before.”

“Like what?” Dugly said.

“All twisted like a pigs tail,” Ed said.

“Well what’s yours like?” Dugly said.

“Well straight like normal,” Ed said.

“I thought mine was normal `til I saw yours,” Dugly said.

Ed finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shake down prior to putting it back in his pants.

“What did you do that for?” Dugly said.

“Shaking off the excess drops,” Ed said. “Like normal.”

“Shit,” Dugly said. “And all these years I’ve been wringing it!”

“““““

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A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.
At the door to German Hell, he is told: “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”

He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russian Hell and many more. They are all similarly gruesome. However, at Nigerian Hell a long line of people is waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, “What do they do here?”

He is told: “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Nigerian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”

“But that’s the same as the others,” says the man. “Why are so many people waiting to get in?”

“Because of the power cuts, the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable. And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.”

“““““

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Gina a housewife had lost her husband almost four years ago, her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world.

Finally, Gina said she’d start dating, but didn’t know how anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied, “Mum I have someone for you to meet.”

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties – he was in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”

She replied: “My upper half you can see, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.”

He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

The following night was the same – she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit, but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked: “What’s with the black condom?”

He replied, “I want to offer my deepest condolences.”

“““““

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