Stop vs slow down

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he’s smarter than the cop because he’s a lawyer from the one and only London and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop’s expense.

Irish cop says,”License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, “What for?”

Irish cop says,”Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Irish cop says,”Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please”

London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

Irish cop says, “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.”

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, “Daeye want me to stop, or just slow down?!”

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A blonde walks into a shop

A blonde woman walks into a shop and wants a pair of alligator boots.

The shopkeeper tells her they do not sell expensive items to blondes.

After becoming very frustrated with the shopkeepers attitude the blonde woman declares. FINE ILL JUST GO CATCH AN ALLIGATOR AND GET MY OWN BOOTS!

The shopkeeper replied why don’t you just try young lady with a smirk.

So the blonde heads out to the swamp absolutely determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day the shopkeeper drives by and noticed the Young lady waist deep in water with a shotgun in her hands.

He stops and watches as a very large alligator swims right at her. With lighting fast reflexes she throws the gun up and shoots the alligator killing it instantly.

He keeps watching as she drags the alligator to a pile of 6 or 7 more. As he rolls down the window to ask why she needs so many Gators for one pair of boots she rolls it over and shouts.

AHHHH THIS ONES BAREFOOT TOOO!

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A man takes a day off work to go golfing

a man takes a day off work to go golfing

He’s ready to tee off when he hears a frog, “ribbit, 9 iron”

The man is confused, but the frog speaks again, “ribbit, 9 iron”

To prove the frog wrong, the man pulls out his 9 iron and swings at the ball.

Hole in one.

The man bends down and says “you must be a lucky frog”

The frog replies, “ribbit, lucky frog”

The man takes the frog to the next hole and the frog goes, “ribbit, 3 wood”

The man pulls out a three wood and swings.

Hole in one.

“Wow you really are a lucky frog, what’s next?” the man asks.

“Ribbit, Vegas.”

So the man takes the frog to the casino and walks up to the roulette table and asks the frog, “what’s the bet?”

“Ribbit, $6000, black, 6.”

“That’s an unlikely bet,” the man says. He puts down the bet anyways and he hits.

The man then goes and gets the most expensive penthouse in all of Vegas.

“How can I ever repay you?” the man asks.

“Ribbit, kiss me”

So he kisses the frog and it turns into a 15 year old girl

and THAT your honor, is how she ended up in my room last night

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Couple at sex therapist’s office

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist’s office.

The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Will you watch us have sex?”

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have sex,” and charged them $50.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”

“We’re not trying to find out anything,” the husband replied. “She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50…and I get $43 back from Medicare.

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