A man decided to tattoo his wife’s name on his penis before going to their honeymoon

When erect it proudly reads *Wendy* on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows *Wy*.

While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a *Wy* on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy.
>The guy replies in a Jamaican accent, “No man, why do you ask?”

The husband then explains that he noticed the *Wy* on his penis and shared that he also has *Wy* and then when erect it says “Wendy”.

The stranger then said, “When I have a hard on it says, *Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day*.”

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Three retired ER surgeons were bragging about their accomplishments. One doctor bragged that he had a patient show up with 2 legs missing from a tractor accident. He fixed him all up and he became one of the greatest basketball players of all time.

The next doctor bragged that he had a shark bite patient who had his arms bitten off. He fixed him up and he became a superstar NFL quarterback.

The third doctor laughed at them and said “Oh yeah? Well one time I had a patient arrive after being in a catastrophic car accident. The only thing they were able to recover was his asshole and a bag of Cheetos. I sewed him back together and he went on to become the president of the United States!”

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An elderly couple was flying to Hawaii for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, the husband turns to his wife and asks, “Honey, did we pay the car bill this month?”
“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Still shaken from the crash landing, he then asks, “Did we pay our credit card bill yet?”
“Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.

“One last thing, did you remember to pay the medical bill for the hospital visit last month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, sweetheart,” begged the wife. “I didn’t send that one, either.”

The husband grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 50 years. She pulls away and asks him, “What was the hug for?”

The husband answers, “They’ll find us!”

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I took my talking cow to a bar and told the bartender that my cow would talk in exchange for a free drink.
The bartender said, “Let’s see.”

I asked my cow what the 12th letter of the Greek alphabet was.
My cow said, “mu.”

Then I asked my cow what a large shapeless dress was called.
My cow said, “mu-mu.”

The bartender said, “those aren’t real questions! Hey, cow, who was the greatest baseball player of all time?”

My cow answered, “Moooooo.”

The bartender got angry at this point and threw us out while yelling that we were frauds.
Outside we sat on the curb. My cow looked sad, his head was bowed. A single tear trickled down from his eye and he asked me, “Do you think I should have said DiMaggio?”

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