A young, intelligent medical student specializing in sexual disorders decides to take a tour of a local clinic. Eager to impress a future doctor, the chief resident shows him around the facility.

While discussing current cases and the facility, they stumble across a patient masturbating in his room. What condition does he have? the student asks. He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder, the resident replies. If he doesnt ejaculate 20-30 times a day, hell become confused and disoriented.

As the pair continue their tour, the student walks past another room and sees a patient with his pants around ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse. What about him? the student asks. Whats his story?

Oh, its the same condition, the doctor replies. He just has a better health plan.

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The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, I promise!

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed…. 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him MIDNIGHT…. he didnt seem p***d off in the least…………. Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said We need a new cuckoo clock. When I asked him why, he said, Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times then said oh sh*t. Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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The other day I went to Office Max to get some supplies. While there I bought a new ink cartridge for my printer. It came in a fairly large box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic.

When I took it apart, which took an unnecessarily long time, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small. It seems they made the packaging large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.

So I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect…. It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal. Shes still laughing.

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A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: There are no fish in there.

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

How do you know there are no fish there? asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, youre going to have to pay for those holes.

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