A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Johnny says: “I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then start a career and become a billionaire, then I go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.”

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson

“And how about you, Katie?”

“I wanna be Johnny’s whore”

“““““

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A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with
his wife the previous night.

He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight with his wife.

He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.

He smashed the first bottle swearing, “you are the reason I fight with my wife”.

He smashed the second bottle, “you are the reason I don’t love my children”.

He smashed the third bottle, “you are the reason I don’t have a decent job”.

When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for only a moment and said

“you stand aside, I know you were not involved”.

“““““

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The population of this country is 300 million.

submitted 13 hours ago by remotely_sensible

60 million are retired.

That leaves 240 million to do the work.

There are 95 million in school.

Which leaves 145 million to do the work.

Of this there are 22 million employed by the government.

Leaving 123 million to do the work.

61 million are disabled.

Leaving 62 million to do the work.

15 million are collecting unemployment.

Leaving 47 million to do the work.

40 million are of working age, but not working and not actively looking for work.

Leaving 7 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces.

Which leaves 4.2 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 900,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 3,300,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 3,299,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your ass,

reading jokes.

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A bus driver and a priest died and went to heaven. St. Peter greeted them both and led them to their new homes in heaven. They went to the bus driver’s home first, and saw a large mansion. When the priest saw this, he was very excited because he was sure that he’d get a grander house, because clearly, he had done me good in his life than the bus driver.

However, when they reached his new home, all he saw a small cabin. He asked St. Peter, “why is my house smaller than the bus driver’s? I have served God all my life!” St. Peter responded, “well, the way you were preaching, everyone was sleeping. But the way the bus driver was driving, everyone was praying!”

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