80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” Convention. The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?”

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, “Eighteen!”

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”

So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?”

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, “Ninety?”

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh — everyone is disheartened – the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance — What is 2 plus 2?”

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream… “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

“““““

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Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family. An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me.”

“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?” “You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. ” “Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. “Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to-a you watch and say, ‘How longa you gonna be?’ “?

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A guy sitting at a bar in Chicago O’hare noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, “Wow, she’s so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant.

But which airline does she work for?” Hoping to gain her attention, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Slogan, “Love to fly and it shows?”

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, “Nope, not Delta.”

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, “Something special in the air?” She gave him the same confused look.

He mentally kicked himself, and scratched American Airlines off the list. Next he tried the Southwest slogan, “Low fares, nothing to hide?”

This time the woman savagely turned on him, “What the fuck do you want?”

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said…. “Ahhh, United Airlines

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A psychologist has a party for all of her patients. She instructs everyone to come dressed as an emotion. As the party begins, she sees her first patient come in dressed in all red. The psychologist asks her “what are dressed as” and the patient replies “I’m dressed as anger and rage.” The next patient comes in and is dressed in all blue.

The psychologist ask what he is dressed as and he tells her “I’m dressed as sorrow”. Next patient comes in dressed in yellow. The psychologist says “what are you dressed as?” She responds “I’m dressed as happiness and delight”. Then she sees her patient Leroy come into the party, completely naked with a pear on the end of his dick. The psychologist goes up to him and says “Leroy, you are at my party completely naked with a pear on your penis. What on earth are you doing?” And Leroy says “what do you mean what am I doing? You told me to come to this party dressed as an emotion and I am.” The psychologist in disbelieve says “what emotion could you possibly be???” He tells her “I’m deeply in dis pear”

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