Three guys in Russia travel in the same room in a long distance sleeper train. One guy is reading a newspaper, while the other two tell political anecdotes. The first guy decides to prank them. He steps out, and orders three cups of tea to be brought in their room in exactly 10 minutes. Then he comes back into the room, sits down and says after 9 minutes:

You know, you should not really be telling political anecdotes just like that. KGB has every room wiretapped here.

Come on, it’s bullshit. Nothing to worry about – answer the guys.

No no, KGB really hears everything you are saying. Here, let me show you.

The guys snaps his fingers and says: Comrade Major, three cups of tea, please!

In a few seconds, train staff bring the tea in.

The two guys are totally shocked. They shut up quickly. Soon, all three go to bed.

Next morning the pranker guy wakes up alone in the room. He goes out and asks the train staff, where those two guys went.
Oh, KGB took them last night.

The guy asks, totally terrified: How come, they let me off?!

The train staff answer: Well, Comrade Major really like your tea prank!

“““““

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A transgender redneck decides it’s time for a complete sex change, but he’s not sure he can afford it. He asks the local doctor about his options.

“So you don’t have insurance?” asks the doctor.

“Nope.”

“And no funds for an operation like this?”

“Just 10 bucks I got for scooping them dead raccoons off the highway this weekend.” replies the bumpkin.

“Well, I’ll tell you what. Go buy a half-stick of dynamite from Old Maurice, go out into your field, light the dynamite, and count to 10.” says the doctor.

“How’s that supposed to make me into a woman?” asks the redneck.

“Trust me. I’ve known you for years. It’ll do the trick.”

So the man heads straight to Old Maurice’s shack, gives him $10 for a half-stick of dynamite, and heads home. He walks straight to the middle of his field, lights the dynamite, holds it in his left hand, and as the fuse burns he starts counting off on his fingers:

“One, two, three, four, five… ”

sticks the dynamite between his legs to free his other hand

“… six, seven…”

——-

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A hospital patient made several false alarm trips to the bathroom and decided the latest episode was another and stayed in bed.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.

He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

A policeman walked by and asked, “What the heck is going on here?”

The drunk, staring down at his feet, replied, “I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!”
——-

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A father watched his young daughter as she played in the garden. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground. The father went over to her to see what had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

“Daddy, what are those spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,” her father replied. “What do you call the spider on top?” “That’s a Daddy Longlegs.”

The little girl thought for a moment. “So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” she asked.

The father’s heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question. He laughed, and then replied, “No sweetheart. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped the spiders flat. “Well, we’re not having any of that gay shit in our garden.”

——-

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