The man went up to her and asked her if they could bang, and the nun, who is definitely appalled, immediately gets off at the next stop.

A couple stops later the man goes to the bus driver and asks him, “Hey do you know how you can bang a nun? Particularly the one who got off a couple stops back.”

So the bus driver says, “Well, you can’t really just go up to a nun and get her to bang you, but I know for a fact that that every night that nun goes to the graveyard at exactly midnight to pray. You should dress up in your best God costume and make her have sex with you.”

The man is impressed, and decides to do just that. So he goes to the graveyard in his best God costume, and waits behind a gravestone. At exactly midnight, the nun enters and kneels at a tombstone, and beings to pray. He then jumps out and says “I am God!”

The nun is surprised and says “Oh Lord, please take me with you to heaven!” The man says, “Of course! But you must prove yourself worthy by having sex with me!” The nun a bit more surprised and says, “Ok, but I prefer anal.”

The man thinks ‘Wait what?’ but doesn’t give enough shits to not have sex with the hot nun. So they bang.

After he finishes he pulls out and takes off his mask, laughing. “Ha! Joke’s on you! I’m the guy from the bus!” He says.

The nun then gets up, pulls off her mask, and says, “Ha! Joke’s on you! I’m the bus driver!”

——-

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A pregnant woman was shot during a bank robbery. After being rushed to the hospital and treated in the ER, the doctor tells her some good and bad news. The good news is that she’s having triplets, all boys and they’re all healthy, the bad news is that they’ve each got a bullet inside of them and will pass this Bullet naturally in +- 18 years.

18 years later, the mother was sitting in her front room when her son bursts into the room, panicked, “Mom, mom! You won’t believe what just happened, I was peeing and a bullet came out of me and into the toilet.” She laughed and told her son the story of when she was shot while pregnant.

A couple of months later, her other son burst into the room, panicked, telling her that he had peed out a bullet. She told him the story and they all had a good laugh about it.

About a week later, her third son came into the room she was sitting in, looking pale and very disturbed. “Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out of you?” She said, slightly amused. “No, I was jerking off in my room and I shot the dog.”

——-

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Two rednecks are at a bar when one says to the other, “You know what? I’m gonna go back and finish my degree!” His friend agrees this is a good idea, and so the next day he goes to his local community college to enroll in some classes. He goes to the office of the registrar and tells the man, “Howdy! I’d like to finish my degree!” The registrar looks up his transcript and informs the man he only needs three classes to receive his diploma: English, history, and logic.

“Ok…I get the English and the history, but what on Earth is logic?” asks the man.

“I’ll explain by example! Do you, sir, own a lawnmower?”

“Yessir I do.”

“So that would mean you have a lawn, correct?”

“Yessir.”

“If you have a lawn, you certainly have a house, no?”

“…yeah…”

“Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but if you have a house, with a lawn and a lawnmower, you must have a family with whom you reside?”

“Well I’ll be damned!”

“But that’s not all! Having a family would mean you have a wife, and thus you, being a male yourself, are heterosexual. Or am I wrong?”

“I can’t believe it! You got all that from one stupid question? This class is gonna be great!”

So the man enrolls in the classes and heads home. A few days later he’s at the bar with his friend again when he tells him that he’s enrolled in some classes: English, history, and logic.

“Logic?” asks his friend. “What on Earth is that?”

“I’ll explain with an example, buddy! Do you own a lawnmower?”

“No.”

“Well then, you’re a faggot!”

——-

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, “Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?”

The English lady looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my Little GeGe is using that seat?”

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, “Please, lady. May I sit there? I’m very tired.”

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!”

The soldier didn’t say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The lady shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”

——-

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