So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer.

The loan officer comes over immediately.

“How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

“I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.

So, the man holds out his hand and opens his palm, saying, “These are the keys to my car, which is sitting out front.”

“Here are the documents, as well,” he says as he hands over a tiny stack of papers.

The loan officer peeks out the window and sees a brand new Ferrari parallel parked directly in front of the bank.

“One moment, please.”

The loan officer walks into a back office to consult with the president of the bank. Everything checks out.

So, after sharing a laugh with the president at this man leaving a $750,000 car as security for a $5,000 loan, the loan officer returns and tells the man that they will happily accept the Ferrari.

An employee of the bank then drives the car into the bank’s underground garage and parks it.

Two weeks later, the man returns and pays the $5,000 plus interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer smiles and says, “Sir, we are very happy to have your business. This transaction has worked out very nicely.”

Then he adds, “But to be honest, we are a little bit puzzled.”

“While you were away, we checked you out and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. So what puzzled us is why you’d bother to borrow $5,000?”

The man replies, “Where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for just $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

“““““

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A koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks up and says “Hey koala what are you doing?”

The koala answers “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.”

The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to have a drink.

The lizard, so stoned, leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile swims out to rescue him. When they get onto dry land, the croc asks, “What’s wrong with you, lizard?”

The lizard tells him that he was smoking a joint with a koala, and he got too stoned and fell in while taking a drink.

The croc has to see this for himself, so he asks the lizard to take him to the koala. When they get back to the tree, the croc looks up at the koala and says “Hey, you.”

The koala looks down and says “Shiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?”

“““““

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A student asks the crush of his dreams out to prom, and she said yes! So he plans out a list of to-do before the big dance.

First he goes to rent a tux, but there is a long tux line at the shop, he waits for 20 minutes.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits even longer but eventually gets the flowers.

Next he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets a very nice limo.

Lastly he goes to the barber and once again there is a long line but as he sits and waits he is just dreaming how his date will look, and within no time he gets his hair cut.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

“““““

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Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay? What’s your name?”

“It’s John, and I’m okay, thanks,” I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

“John,” she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) “forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on now,” Elizabeth insisted.

She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive … I was weak. “Well okay,” I finally agreed but thought to myself, “my wife won’t like it.”

After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I’d best go now.”

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Still under the cart, I guess.”

“““““

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