Joke of the Day: Walking Dogs

Two men are walking their dogs , a Poodle and a German Shepherd. They decide they’d like to go into a bar for a drink. “But we can’t bring our dogs into that bar,” says the Poodle’s human. “No problem,” says the German Shepherd’s human. “Just watch this.” He pulls out a pair of sunglasses and walks into the bar. “Hey, no dogs!” yells the bartender. “But this is a seeing eye dog,” says the German Shepherd’s human. The bartender apologizes and shows them to a chair. So, the Poodle owner decides to follow suit, whips out his sunglasses, and walks into the bar. “Hey, no dogs!” yells the bartender.

“But this is a seeing eye dog,” says the Poodle’s human. The bartender objects, “Hey, Poodles can’t be seeing eye dogs!” The Poodle owner gasps, “What! The agency gave me a poodle?!”

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Joke of the Day: Driving in Miami

A young investment banker in Miami goes out and buys the car of his dreams – a brand new Ferrari GTO. After paying $500,000, he takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. While waiting for the light to change, an frail looking old man on a yellow moped pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the Ferrari and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, Sonny?” The young man replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!” “Wheeewee… that’s a lot of money,” says the old man as he tucks his thumbs up against his suspenders. “Why does it cost so much?” “Because this car can do up to 215 miles an hour!” states the banker proudly.

The moped driver asks, “Mind if I take a look inside?” “No problem,” replies the proud new owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around at all the bells and whistles lining the dashboard. Sitting back on his moped, the old man whistles and says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right… but I’ll stick with my moped!”

Just then the light changes, so the banker decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within a few seconds, the speedometer reads 120 mph! Suddenly, he notices a yellow dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly… Whoooooosssshhhhh! Something blows by him, going much faster! “What in the hell could be going faster than my Ferrari?” the young man asks himself.

He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 150 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it’s the old man on the moped! Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 170 mph. Whoooooosssshhhhh! He’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again! Dumbfounded, the banker floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 215 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again!

The Ferrari red lines and there’s nothing more he can do! Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The young man stops and jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, “Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?” The old man whispers with his dying breath… “Unhook… my… suspenders… from… your…. side view mirror.”

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Joke of the Day: God bless you son

A 5 year old son after reading story of a king:

Son: Mom, I also want 5 wives..one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me…….

Mom:….And one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom’s eyes filled up with tears … God bless you son

Mom: but who will sleep with your 5 wives

Son: Let them sleep with daddy

Daddy’s eyes filled up with tears… God bless you son !

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Joke of the Day: Ethnic Confusion

A drunken Jew goes across the bar and breaks the chinaman’s nose.

The chinaman asks “What was that for?”

The jew responds “That was for Pearl Harbor!”

“Pearl Harbor,” responds the Chinaman “that wasn’t Chinese that was Japanese!”

The jew retorts “Chinese, Japanese, Korean, your all the Asians same to me.”

Later the Chinaman busts the Jew in the mouth.

The Jew asks why,the response is “for the Titanic”

Jew replies “Titanic, that was an iceberg”

Chinaman retorts “Iceberg, greenberg ‘goldberg……”

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