A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters: ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

“Can you read this?” the optician asked.

“Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”

——

A guy walks into a crowded bar and announces that he’s got a terrific Polish joke to tell.

But before he can start, the Barkeeper says, “Hold it right there buddy, I’m Polish.”

And the guy says, “ok, I’ll tell it very, very slowly”

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The Gynecologist had become fed up with his job and decided to change professions.

One day after seeing an advertisement for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up.

The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excellence as he did when practicing medicine.

The day of the final exam came. The Dr had to completely rebuild an engine, which he did in record time. When the grades were posted, he was surprised to see that he had achieved a score of 125%. Curious, he spoke to his teacher.

“I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth or anything but how can I have gotten a score above 100%?” he asked.

“Well” said the instructor, ‘You took the engine apart perfectly, that accounts for 50% of the grade, you put it back together flawlessly, that accounts for 50% or the grade. The extra 25% is because never in my career have I seen that all done through a four inch exhaust pipe!”

“““““

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So the Pope is on state visit to the US and is traveling in his limousine towards the hotel from JFK. Halfway there he tries to convince his chauffeur if he may drive it himself.

“Sorry mr Pope. ‘Tis against company policy for clients to drive.”

“Yeah but can’t you make an exception just for today? Come on. The Vatican is too small for driving around and this thing sounds like it’s got a V8 in it.”

So after a lot of haggling the chauffeur relents. This is the Pope after all.

The Pope gets behind the wheel and the driver slides into the back. His holiness then promptly tries to see how fast the limo would go. Needless to say, a state trooper pulls him over.

After the Pope has winded down the drivers window the state trooper loses all color in his face.

He pulls out his radio: “C-c-control, this is unit 4. Need advice on procedure after pulling over a VIP for speeding.”

Control responds: “Unit 4. You know the drill. No exceptions for VIP’s according to state law.”

He looks at the Pope again.

“Er… I don’t think you quite understand. This is actually VVIP.”

Control gets agitated: “Damn you unit 4. So who exactly is this VVIP?”

“I think it’s God because the Pope is his chauffeur.”

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For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $250,000 & your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.”

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”

Little Patrick told him, “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with an $250,000 mortgage and no bike!”
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