Joke of the Day: Sandra wants raise

Sandra, a maid, asks her boss for a raise.

Her boss is annoyed and asks, “Now, Sandra, why do you think you deserve a raise?”

Sandra: ‘Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an raise. First, I iron better than you.’

Wife: ‘Who said you iron better than me?’

Sandra: ‘Your husband said so.’

Wife: ‘Oh.’

Sandra: ‘The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.’

Wife: ‘Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?’

Sandra: ‘Your husband did.’

Wife: ‘Oh.’

Sandra: ‘My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..’

The wife is obviously upset: ‘Did my husband say that ?’

Sandra: ‘No, Señora, the gardener did.’

Wife: ‘So, how much do you want?’

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Joke of the Day: Getting Married

A man proposes to his girlfriend of one year. She says yes, but has one condition. “I will marry you but I want to get married in Minnesota,” the woman says. “There, you can meet my family and we can have a beautiful ceremony. Only then can we consummate the marriage.” The woman, who is a virgin, says she has no experience with sex and wants her first time to be a memorable one. The man, because she is young and beautiful, obliges, and suggests they leave for Minnesota as soon as possible.

The next day, they got on a bus from New York. The only other passengers were members of a high school hockey team.

After 100 miles on the road, the bus breaks down and everyone has to get off the bus while it is repaired. While the man and woman wait, the man suggests the two go off into the woods and have a little fun since the bus won’t leave for another hour. She is flattered, but says: “I think we should wait,” and so they get back on the bus.

After another hundred miles, the bus breaks down again. Everyone gets off the bus and waits for it to be repaired. Again, the man asks his girlfriend to sneak off while they wait. “How about now?” he asks. “This journey is taking forever and I cannot wait any longer!” Flattered, she insists they wait until they arrive in Minnesota. Everyone soon gets back on the bus.

For a third time, the bus breaks down. The man figures it is not worth bothering his girlfriend a third time. “She might become annoyed and not want to marry me,” he thinks. Suddenly, she takes his hand, brings him into the woods and she experiences her first time.

As they are walking back to the bus, the man cannot help but say: “That was wonderful. You are a skillful lover! But what made you change your mind about having your first time after the wedding?”

The women looks at him and says: “Well, the hockey team said ‘By the time we get to Minnesota, the fucking season would be over.'”
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Joke of the Day: Trumpets and Guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.

One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, “So how is your strange business going?”

“What do you mean strange?”

“Because you sell only trumpets and guns!”

“So?”

“Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?”

“It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun.”

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Joke of the Day: Lincoln

Father: You know son when Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.

Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.