Joke of the Day: It worked for the bull

An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and was lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall.

One of them says, “Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick.”

“How did you get it fixed?”

“Well, I just dipped my finger in the cow’s vagina and rubbed it all over the bull’s nose and he got right after her.”

Ben goes home to the farm and decides to try it. He grabs a cow, dips his fingers in the cow’s vagina and rubs it all around the bull’s nose.

The bull gets a rip roaring boner and jumps on the cow immediately. Ben was impressed.

That night, Ben gets into bed with his wife and can’t get the effect on the bull out of his mind.

As she lays sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife’s vagina and feeling that it’s nice and wet, he rubs it all around his nose and gets a rip roaring hard on.

He quickly shakes his wife awake and cries out, “Honey, look!”

She rolls over, turns on the light and says, “You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?”

“““““

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Joke of the Day: Married Couple

A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye so she asks him, “Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?”

He replies, “No. I was just thinking about how after your father found out you were pregnant he threatened me with a shotgun that if I didn’t marry you right there and then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I would have been a free man!”

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Joke of the Day: Magic lamp

A man finds a magic lamp while cleaning out his attic, he rubs some of the dust off of it and out pops a genie.

“I’ll grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get twice as much”

Bitter about his recent divorce, the man thinks for a bit and says “Alright, I want a mansion with a triple garage.”

The genie says “Here is your mansion with the triple garage, your ex wife has 2”

Next,the man says “I want a BMW, a Ferrari and a Lamborghini for my garage”

The genie says, “You now have 3 cars for your garage, your ex wife has 6″

The man gets a smile on his face as he says his last wish,” I want to be beaten half to death!”

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Joke of the Day: Preacher at bar

A deacon and a Baptist preacher are out of town doing mission work, when they stop in a small bar to get a bite to eat. They take a seat at a small table.

“You know, deacon, we could get a drink here and no one back home would ever know,” the pastor says to the deacon.

“That is true.” The deacon was a bit shocked by the pastor’s statement.

“Deacon, I’ve lived a good life, I think I deserve to live a little. I’ve always wanted to try one of those “mar-tin-eyes” the fancy people in the movies drink. If I get one, do you promise not to tell anyone?” The deacon nods. So when the waitress comes, the preacher orders his “mar-tin-eye”. The waitress, rightfully confused, goes to the bartender.

“Some old guy just came in here and ordered a “mar-tin-eye”, what the hell is that?”

“Is that damn preacher here again?”

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