Teacher is asking to see you

A boy tells his father “Dad, my math teacher is asking to see you.”

The father asks “What happened?”
“Well, she asks me, ‘how much is 7 x 9?’ I answer ’63’ , then she asks, ‘and 9 x 7?’ so I ask ‘what’s the fucking difference?'”

“Indeed, what is the difference?” says the father. ”Sure, I’ll go.”

The next day, the boy comes home from school and asks “Dad, have you gone by the school?”

“Not yet” the dad replies.

The boy says “Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also.”

“Why?” asks the father.

The boy answers “Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, so I did. Then my right arm, so I raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. ‘Now’ he says, ‘lift your left leg,’ so I answer ‘What, am I supposed to stand on my cock!?'”

“Exactly” says the father. “Alright, I’ll come.”

The next day, the boy asks his father “Did you go by the school?”

“No, not yet.”

“Don’t bother, I got expelled.”

The father asks surprised “Why did you get expelled?”

“They summoned me to the principal’s office, and there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher.”

“What the fuck was the art teacher doing there?” the father asked.

“That’s what I said!”

“””””

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A young soldier

A young soldier was sent to the personnel office and assigned the task of registering recruits for life insurance.

Because of the cost, most soldiers didn’t buy the life insurance, but after only 1 month on the job he had sold a record number of policies.

His captain noticed but thought it was a fluke. However, the following month, he doubled sales. A month later, when he set the army record for policies sold, the captain got a call from the general. He was so impressed he decided he wanted to meet the young soldier and learn the secret of his sales success.
The general and the captain went to the personnel office and asked the soldier his secret.

“I don’t know, I just sell them the insurance,” he shrugged.

“Well, let’s see you in action,” the general said.

They called in a recruit and sat in as the young soldier went through his pitch.

“Now, there’s a great life insurance plan,” he began.

“Uh, I don’t think so,” the recruit said. “It costs a lot.”

“I know, but if you buy the insurance and get killed in battle, the army has to pay your survivors $200,000,” he said. “But, if you don’t have insurance, they pay your survivors $6,000.”
“Yeah? So?” the recruit said.

“So,” he said, nodding at the general. “Who do you think this asshole is going to send into battle first?”

——-

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Soldier sitting at the bar

A woman entered a pub and saw a haggard looking soldier sitting at the bar.

She approached him and asked if everything was all right.

The soldier said, “I haven’t had sex since 2014.”

The woman replied, “Wow that’s a long time. How about I get your tab and you come back to my hotel?”

They went to her hotel room and made passionate love for a solid two hours.

“Wow!”, said the soldier. “That’s the best sex I’ve had all night!”

The woman went, “Wait a minute. You told me you hadn’t had sex since 2014.”

The soldier replied, “Yes, ma’am. That’s true. Now it’s 2355!”

——-

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Trained Frog

The frog which was trained to eat pussy.

A man walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder and sits next to a woman.

The woman is intrigued and asks him about the frog.

Man: “This is my trained frog. He will eat pussy on command”.

Woman: “No, I don’t believe you”.

Man: “Really, it’s quite amazing”.

Woman: “I still don’t believe you”.

Man: “If you don’t believe me, see it for yourself”.

Woman: “Alright, I’ve got to see this”.

They go back to her apartment. The woman takes off her clothes and lies on the bed.

The man takes the frog and places it on the bed between her legs and commands the frog.

Man: “Frog. Eat pussy”.

Nothing happens.

The man tells the frog with more emphasis.

Man: “Frog. Eat pussy”!

Still nothing.

The man sighs and exclaims “Ok, fine. I’ll show you ONE MORE TIME”.

“””””

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