Joke of the Day: Flooring Store

The owner of a flooring store was dismayed when a brand new floor company own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ‘BEST DEALS ON FLOORING’

He was even more horrified when another flooring store opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘LOWEST PRICES ON WOOD FLOORS’

The store owner panicked, he was in business for 20 years and barely getting by anymore because of the recession.

Then he got a good idea. He put the biggest sign over his own store. It read: ‘MAIN ENTRANCE’

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Joke of the Day: Gambling Quotes & Jokes

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. ~Steven Wright

Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they’re the best, but most people don’t have a clue what they’re doing. ~Dutch Boyd

If you’re playing a poker game and look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you ~Paul Newman.

Trust everyone, but always cut the cards. ~Benny Binion

Chuck-E-Cheese, because it’s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.

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Joke of the Day: Call to hotel’s manager

A husband calls up a hotel’s manager from his room..

Husband : Please come fast , I was having an argument with my wife and she says shes gonna jump out of the window.

Manager : Sir, I am sorry I can’t help you , this seems to be a personal issue.

Husband : You asshole, this is a maintenance issue. The window isn’t opening.

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Joke of the Day: at the Hotel

An old married couple is traveling by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room at a hotel. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked of the hotel out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it’s a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the ‘standard rate’. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.

“But we didn’t use them,” the husband said.

“Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.

The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says.

“But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” the husband said.

“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, “But we didn’t use it!”

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed topay. As he didn’t have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. “But ma’am, this is made out for only $50.00.”

“That’s correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.

“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.

“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

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