While walking down the street, a business man see’s a dog walking down the road with a bag in his mouth. Interested in where the dog was going he followed the dog to the local store. There the dog went straight to the teller, and placed the bag in the teller’s hand. He then handed him a grocery bag with a envelope. the man watches all this with wonder as the dog bites and holds the bag and note in its mouth while he walks out the store.

The businessman follows the dog out as the puppy heads straight to the bus. The bus comes and the dog waits, two more bus come and go before the dog finally gets on a bus. The man follows the dog on the bus and they travel with the bus all the way until the second to last stop. the dog gets off and the man follows, the dog walks down one street and another until finally he finds a house.

The man watches quietly as the dog walks up the lawn to the porch and starts scratching the door. the puppy puts his bag down. barks and trots over to the window and scratches some more. Finally the dog walk away, to the other end of the lawn and charges the door full speed. With all the force he has the dog slams his body against the door hard making the door shake. The dog gets up and shakes himself off and trots back to the end of the lawn again, charges full speed and BAM hits the door hard.

While walking back to do it again a man in a robe opens the door, the dog turns around quick and his tail wagged hard back and forth while he ran back to the porch to greet this new guy. the man in the robe starts to beat the dog repeatedly, hitting the puppy hard making him yelp.

Finally the business man runs to the scene and yells at the man in the robe, “What the hell are you doing?! This dog is the smartest dog i’ve ever seen!.”

The man replies, “Smart my ass, this is the third time this week he’s forgotten his keys!”

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Confucious says, man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Confucious says, man who stand on toilet, high on pot.

Confucious says, man who buys drowned cat ends up with wet pussy.

Confucious says, man who drop watch in toilet has shitty time.

Confucious says, woman who worth weight in gold probably cost as much.

Confucious says, oral sex make your day; anal sex make your hole weak.

Confucious says, man who goes to sleep with itchy bumhole, wake up with smelly fingers

Confucious says, baseball very strange game. How can man with four balls walk?

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A middle aged woman walks into a grocery store, she has been single for the past 5 years and is extremely lonely. She proceeds to collect a few things here and there from throughout the store. Lip balm, a gallon of milk, a few rolls of paper towels, chicken pot pies, and laundry detergent.

When she finishes finding all of her items she proceeded to the checkout counter. Immediately after she got in line a man came up behind her and began to wait as well. He had a 12 pack with him and was obviously drunk. He was staring at her groceries then up at her, swaying back and forth trying to keep balance.

You must be single? he asked her.

Normally she would ignore a stranger talking to her, especially one this drunk, but she was for some reason slightly intrigued. She noticed he kept looking at her groceries and up at her. Maybe he thought she was single based off what she was purchasing. Maybe he could point out something that would help her find someone to love.

Yes, I am single, she said. But can you tell me something? How can you tell Im single? she said as she looked down at the few things in her basket.

cause…… he struggled to stand up and looked her in the eye. cause you’re ugly.

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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the horse’s side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

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