Marriage is…
A best man’s speech should be like a mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials.
A classified ad which read “Wife Wanted” received hundreds of responses, all from men saying “You can have mine.”
A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
A husband expects his wife to be perfect… and to understand why he’s not.
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.”
A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
A son asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son. I’m still paying for it.”
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A toast to the newlyweds: May your only ups and downs be between the sheets.
A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation.
A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.” The friend asked, “And what was he before you married him?” The woman replied, “A multi-millionaire.”
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
Always talk to your wife while you’re making love… if there’s a phone handy.
As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride’s mind: aisle, altar, hymn. [I’ll alter him!]
Bachelor: A guy who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent.
Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.
Confucius say man who sink into woman’s arms soon have arms in woman’s sink.
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