Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.

He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” Guess where I am now…

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Kyle and Dain, a gay couple on an airplane together.

Kyle turns to Dain and says “You know what would be wild, if we had sex on the plane, like right here in our seats.”

Dain says “Woah dude, theres people everywhere, they would watch, it’d be weird.”

Kyle replies “Nobody pays attention on an airplane, watch.” With that he stands up and shouts “Can I borrow a pencil, anyone, can I borrow a pencil?” Some people are reading some are napping, nobody even looks up or pays him the slightest attention. “See” he says to Dain.

“Wow, I guess your right.” So they go ahead and have sex right there in their seats.

At the end of the flight, a flight attendant is going up and down the aisles checking on everyone and finds an old man with vomit all down his shirt, all over his trousers, hes just soaked. “Sir, sir, if you felt Ill you should of called me I would of brought you a bag or something.”

The old man looks up and says “I wouldn’t dare, guy up there asked for a pencil and he got f*cked in the ass.”

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A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?” “Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”

“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $200 for your trouble”

“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!

There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded, “I gave you $200 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!”
“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde. “But we had money left over so now we’re going to Sea World.”

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A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $750.00. ? She demanded to know why the charge was so high “I agree it’s a nice hotel, but the rooms aren’t worth $750..00 for just an overnight stay – I didn’t even have breakfast!” ?

The clerk told her that $750.00 is the ‘standard rate,’ and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. ? She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: “This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.” ? “But I didn’t use them.” ? ‘Well, they are here, and you could have.” He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.” We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here.” ? “But I didn’t go to any of those shows..” ? “Well, we have them, and you could have.”

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!” and the Manager countered with his standard response. ? After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. ? “But Madam, this check is for only $250.00” ? “That’s correct I charged you $500.00 for sleeping with me.” ? “But I didn’t!” ? “Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

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