As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $20 bill and a note in his mouth that reads: “10 pork chops, please.”

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of 10 pork chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the bus schedule and sits on the bench when a bus arrives, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. After a while, the dog stands on his back legs to pull the yellow stop cable. The butcher follows him off the bus.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself WHAP! against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.

The butcher runs up and screams at the guy, “What the hell are you doing? This dog is a genius!”
The owner responds, “Genius my ass! It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys!”

“””””

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As the man made his way to his seat at the World Cup Final, he couldn’t help but feel excited.

But as he sat down by the pitch, he noticed the seat next to him was empty. “What a waste,” he thought to himself. “Who would have a seat like this and not use it?”

Curiosity getting the best of him, he leaned over to his neighbour and asked if someone would be sitting there. “No,” the neighbour replied. “The seat is empty.”

The man couldn’t believe it. “This is incredible,” he exclaimed. “But seriously, who in their right mind would pass up the chance to watch the World Cup Final from this seat?”

That’s when the neighbour dropped a bombshell. “Actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.”

The man’s heart sank. “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible.”
But then he had an idea. “Couldn’t you find someone else to take her seat? A friend, relative, or even a neighbour?”

The neighbour shook his head. “No,” he said. “They’re all at the funeral.”

“””””

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A hot air balloonist got blown way off course. Realizing how lost he was he decided to lower altitude to see if he could get some help from someone on the ground. He saw a large wilderness expance but luckily he noticed a hiker so he called out:

“Hello! I was supposed to meet my friends hours ago but unfortunately I got blown off course and have no idea where I am. Can you help me?”

The hiker replies:

“You are floating about 25′ above a small clearing in the Allegheny National Forrest and you’re about an hour and a half north of my camp site.”

Frustrated the balloonist yells down:
“You must be an engineer”
“How did you know that?” The hiker responded with surprise!

The balloonist said “because while everything you said is technically correct, it is of absolutely no use to me and I am still lost!”

“I get it, you must be a contractor.” Said the hiker.
How did you know that?” The balloonist responded equally surprised.

“Well you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, you have made promises you can’t keep and you’re in the exact same position you were in before we met….But now it is my fault.”

“””””

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Omar Epps moved next to Chris Hemsworth. Initially they didn’t talk much, but after a little time they started having family get-togethers. They became good friends for a while, even going so far as to have little decoration challenges every holiday.

Omar always pulled out all the stops come Christmas, and he seemed to enjoy it so much that, often, Chris would concede and just admire his neighbor’s over-the-top yuletide spirit.

But one year, Chris felt like upping the ante and properly competing. So instead of doing a large spread of house decor, Chris commissioned the construction of an enormous lawn ornament.

The next evening, Omar looked across the lawn and gasped–there, standing taller than a house, was a towering statue of Thor, colorfully lit and dressed like an elf.

He laughed it off as ridiculous and tacky, but to his surprise it was drawing much more attention, from strangers and neighbors alike, than his own festive manor.

More than a little disgruntled that he was no longer the talk of the HOA, he made his irritation known at dinner. Curious, his oldest daughter went over to see this titan in person.
Later that night, Chris awoke to his children’s shouts. He ran to the window and saw his beautiful Elf Thor flaming. The fire department came, but too late, as the damage was done and the magnificent creature destroyed.

Chris checked the cameras and saw what looked like a teenager approaching the statue, but before he could make out who it was, the feed cut. All footage past this point was corrupted.
Distraught, he reached out to Omar and admitted how important it was to him to win the decor war just one year, and he just wished he could find out who this kid was. Omar consoled him as best he could, but now worried he was going to have to confront his daughter….

He knocked on her door and asked her to be honest with him. She scoffed, and pulled up the house security on her laptop. Sure enough, there she was, walking back to the house only 10 minutes after leaving to see the statue. According to the CFI, the fire started over an hour later.

We may never learn the truth, but we know one thing for certain: Epps’ teen didn’t kill Hems’ elf.

“””””

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