A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat. The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? – Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?” The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you sumsing, lady – I vasn’t staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from.” The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs or my ass sweetie, then what are you doing?” He paused a moment, then told her…”Vell, M’aam, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself,’Vair in da hell is dis naked lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride? Now, that’s a REAL Businessman!

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When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech-making.

“I have an idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.”

Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor ask an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

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An elderly married couple stands at the counter at the local burger joint. The man orders a deluxe burger, large fries, and a cup of decaf. The counter clerk turns to the woman and asks her what she would like.

Oh, nothing for me, deary. My husband and I share everything.’

The clerk hits a key on the register and tells the couple that the cost of the meal is $4.98.

The old man reaches into his pockets and pulls out a handful of coins. Slowly and carefully, without a penny to spare, he counts out the exact amount and hands it to the cashier.

A young man standing behind the couple watches this. As the clerk assembles the couple’s order, he leans forward and says, I’d be honored to buy you another burger and fries.

The old man turns to the young man and says, Thank you, but my wife and I share everything.

The old man carries the tray of food to a table and they sit. Carefully, he cuts the burger in half, divides the fries into two equal portions, and passes half of the food to the woman. He sets the decaf in the center of the table so they can both reach it. Then he begins to eat.

A few minutes later, the young man sits down at the table next to them. As he gobbles down his food, he notices that, while the elderly man eats, the woman is quietly sipping decaf. When he looks at her food, he sees that she hasn’t eaten a single bite. Again, he leans toward the couple and says, I really would be honored to buy you another meal.’

The old man says, No, thank you. We share everything, and calmly resumes eating.

I just hate to see you go hungry, the young man laments to the woman.

Oh, I’m not going hungry, the old woman says. I’m waiting for the teeth.

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On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”

For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. This tall, tanned and built guy with jet black eyes starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.

No one moves. As this man approaches, the woman begins to get excited. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: “Iron this.”

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